Where to go from here

SO! The 30 day challenge is over, and I've signed up to Play to Win for one year, Woohooo!  Time to stop and reflect and the path I have taken up to here, and where I intend to go henceforth.

When I stop and think about it, the path I have covered so far is quite extraordinary really.  One year ago today, I was in a job I loathed and looking forward to retirement. How sad is that? The lot of many people though I'm afraid.  I was already feeling an incredible urge to get out of there and honour my creative self.  I should look up the date I purchased that book - Screw Work Let's Play, and signed up for a year long coaching session with Sophie (actually that was January of 2012). I also had some coaching with my dear sister Pia, and that is when it became crystal clear to me what I wanted to do, and that what I needed most to get there was TIME.

Now, I no longer work, my kids are old enough to be responsible although they still need my guidance,  and I have TIME. I also have enough money to pay the rent and enough savings to cover the studies of my daughters. What's more, I know what I want to do:  I want to play with paint, textiles, knitting, weaving and just make stuff.  I want to throw color around and make it sing! I want to make life beautiful. I want to honour my mother who revealed the artist I am to myself, and that I didn't have the guts to become until now. I am scared shitless!  I seem to be finding all kinds of excuses now to NOT get into the studio and just create. Excuses, excuses, excuses!

When I first quit work, I was determined to keep getting up real early every day (no later than 6) to take advantage of every hour of the day.  Then little by little I started relaxing a bit, and giving myself permission to take it easy and just follow my biological rythm, while meditating daily.  I now realise that I have to find the road in between; I do need the discipline of a structured day if I want to do all the things I want to do which are:

• meditate,
• walk or cycle daily
• do a morning dance
• create in the mornings until I run out of juice
• do some daily decluttering
• socialize
• write
• prepare healthy food and 
• wash (cleanse my spirit and body) (perhaps swim?)
• read and rest.

That would be my ideal day!

However sometimes I need to break it up into week-long activities, as I will be doing next week: having musicians out to record, I will cook and while they do their thing, I can do mine.  Make the most of it!

What I've been finding is that I'm afraid to have too much fun; I feel like I have to make this into some kind of JOB or WORK in order to make money out of it.  Whereas this is not what I have been learning! I have to get more and more PLAY out of my days FIRST, and once I really get the PLAY routine down, I can start considering how to make it pay.  First the ENERGY and the GENIUS, then the VALUE, remember?

SO, and this is great news, what I have to do now is just HAVE FUN!! What an incredible trip! I've made all these new and inspiring friends who seem to be able to do just that much more easily than me, so I need to learn from them.

I haven't been exploring artistically yet.  I really need the discipline to just get in the studio EVERY DAY and make something.  I can mix it all up: paint sew, glue, knit, weave, it doesn't have to be separate.  When I look at this book called 1000 textiles, it shows me so many possibilities.  I definietly need to meet this woman who does dyeing, and get my hands on some wool, and learn how to card it and felt it and dye it with natural dyes from plants.  This excites me.  I also want to get into painting but I am having a real blockage here.  I hope the 21 secrets journaling workshop will get me OUT of my block.

I feel jealous of those who do paint and draw, and yet what is stopping me?  It comes from within, that's for sure.

So if I answer the 3 questions in the P2W Reflection exercise, my answers would be:

1) Over the 30DC course what have you learned about yourself?

that I'm having trouble giving myself permission to play and am trying to make it into work

2) What have you learned about what you enjoy and the way you enjoy doing things?

I like to leave things a bit to chance, to serendipity, to whatever comes up, but sometimes nothing comes up and time just goes by.  I need to learn to discipline myself to create daily. Must read Twyla Tharpe's book.
I also always take on too much and need to learn to delegate -  this applies in particular to my creative workshops, I need to let people come with their own workshop and students.  There is no way I can do it all.  Breathe!  Let go!!

My 3 achivements of the 30DC that I am most proud of:

I created a flyer
I bought a 4-shaft loom and warping frame
I got the studio organised
I am hosting a recording session for musicians
I got a full programme of workshops at La Valinière for this spring
I joined a painting class and didn't drop out
I joined a rowing class and almost dropped out but got back in again
I took some photos I really like and made a film about snow (waiting for Camillo at the train station)

Now it seems I have been preparing and preparing to be able to create, so it's time to STOP preparing and CREATE daily.

CREATE DAILY!!!

Get the paints out, the glue and the scissors! Get my hands dirty! Put on the music! Knit daily! Finish my projects! Accomplish!! Accomplish and achieve and take pictures!  Share!! People will start following my blogs and website when there is something to show on it!  Where is the Energy, the Genius and the Value?

(Also, this, a proper routine, will, I'm sure, get my weight down).

I also want to make my home and garden beautiful and enjoyable, the way I want them!.  I want to repaint, hang paintings, get a new bed for a guest room (later), re-organise the living room and make it light and pleasant, have flowers and plants in the courtyard.

In the country I want to USE the fabulous studio, get some help for the garden, plant vegetables and flowers.

So what is my plan for next week?  I need to throw out all the wood one day and get the atelier operational (organise by the cellar entrance) and refresh on warping the loom.  Decide on a project. But most of all CREATE DAILY.

I should also study the knitting machine and see if I can set it up.

And paint!  Paint what?  Portraits? Sheep? Cows? landscapes? Flowers? Apples? Get my painting bag all ready so I don't have to ask for stuff in class, it's so embarrassing.  Get with it now!!

Okay, good night.